Derelict Theology

I always get antsy at this time of the year. The face that Dec. 01 is just a few days away does nothing to dissuade me from this anxiety. I suppose it stems from the fact that my dad would always torment me during Christmastime when I was younger. The usual holiday routine would go like this, as soon as presents appeard beneath the tree:

Dad: Marty, c’mere.

Marty: What?

Dad: I see you’ve got some presents under the tree, and so do I.

Marty (excited): Yeah!

Dad: I’ll tell you one of yours if you’ll tell me one of mine.

Marty: Ok! *doing the anxiety jig*

Dad: No, that’s ok. I don’t want to know *laughs*

That’s how it went from roughly the first week of December all the way until Christmas Eve, when relief was given in the form of one present to be opened. Of course, this wouldn’t happen until after my grandmother came and we feasted on a meal made of only sausage type products and cheese. I think there were some biscuits in there somewhere. The only variation came when my dad switched “I’ll tell you what one of yours is” to “I’ll let you open one of yours.” This only created greater fervor on my part, leaving me a shaking, sleepless wreck on Christmas Eve that took any hiss or thump in the house past 10:00 p.m. as a sure sign that Santa was downstairs working his gift-giving magic. By the time Christmas morning arrived and passed, I was an emotional wreck, passing out at 6:00 p.m. stuffed full of Christmas ham, stuffing, and chocolate pie.

So maybe that’s why I get antsy each year around this time, but it is a great time of the year. I enjoy putting up decorations, which I did today and hope to have pictures of tomorrow. I like wrapping presents, which consists of me wrapping paper around the gift, wadding up the ends, and tapping them down, complete with sparkly bow. I like cookies, candies, and other goodies that we only get at Christmas, like my father-in-law’s wontons. I enjoy the anticipation of snow, the look on people’s faces when you give them gifts, and going to Christmas parties.

In fact, I like it so much that my wife and I may have broken a cardinal law of Christmastime. See, somehow, we’ve already given each other our gifts. Yeah, I know, you’re supposed to wait until December 25, but on a whim this past Sunday I asked her if she wanted to just go ahead and gift each other our gifts, and she was all like “Yeah!” So we did it. We sat down, and without having wrapped them, we just passed out gifts. It was awesome. So now she has what she’s been pining for for months, and I have some new Transformers. I don’t know if we’ll do this again next year, but who knows. It was freeing in a way, but on the other hand, I suppose people might think we are some kind of weird folk for forsaking traditional Christmas practice. Until then, i will sip my hot chocolate, eat my wontons, and enjoy Christmas my way, at my pace.

I did it. I took the plunge and closed one of my xanga sites today. I don’t know why, it just seems like the appeal for me is gone from there. It was just mostly writing that I had done, and most of it was bad, so I won’t miss it.

Seems to me that I’m in a weird place right now, a place where I’m hearing from God but not feeling like I am. You might say: how can this be? I’m not entirely sure. On one hand, it could be the enemy tricking me into thinking that God could never possibly speak to me, or on the other hand, it could be the fact that I’m finally breaking the shackles of this “works based” quality of faith system I’ve put myself into over the last few years. If the latter is the case, then hallelujah, I can’t wait until the chains are gone! If it’s the former, then Satan deserves a big fat punch in the jaw.

So much has been made over the recent death of Kyle Lake, University Baptist Church’s pastor, longtime friend of David Crowder, and seemingly all around nice guy. How the man died is a tragic, tragic thing, and I think that sometimes, we can get on our evangelical high horse and whip it to death as we ride off into the sunset, unable to see the forest we’re riding through for the trees. What’s really sad is that instead of doing some background research, or having even really met a person before, one person can publish an opinion via this good ole interweb of ours and suddenly everyone in the world thinks this is the truest voice of Christianity that there is to hear. Sadly, most people will read that article and think we’re all like that. In fact, i don’t know what makes me more upset about the article, the actual text or the title, which is a spiteful jab at it’s root. When will we realize that fighting these stupid battles amongst ourselves is only causing the church to implode from within? I’d much rather spend a day with a man like Kyle Lake and be accused of faulty theology than read one more article of venomous opinion spouted as fact.

Sometimes it just really doesn’t get any easier, does it?

Admittedly, I’m a Xanga afficienado. I started there, and I have built quite a base of posts there. However, Xanga seems to be cooling off, or turning into just a haven for spoiled teenagers and emo kids (who I have no problem with really.) It’s just that my blog there isn’t really what I want it to be. So, I’m posting this with the idea that I may be staying, or I may be leaving altogether. There you have it. Hopefully I can make this huge, life altering decision over my holiday weekend. (And if you didn’t get teh sarcasm dripping off of that, then you’re truly dense)